My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Randomize
