so that wasnt chicken after all
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I take back everything I said about communal showers
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
