currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Randomize
