The maid of honor just puked.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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