Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
