Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Randomize
