definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
