Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Randomize
