We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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