I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
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