I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
i now understand why vodka
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
