Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Randomize
