I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
