Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Randomize
