someone threw a dead crab at me
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
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