When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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