He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
How external is "for external use only"?
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
