The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Randomize