Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
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