i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
