i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
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