mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
is wine microwaveable?
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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