we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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