This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Randomize
