Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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