Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
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