please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
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