my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Randomize
