are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
