My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
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Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize