i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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