It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
