I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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