Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Randomize
