It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize
