Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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