I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
