btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Randomize
