no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
