The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
well you can't waste a boner
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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