I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
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