she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Randomize
