Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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