she woke up with a sticky ear
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
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