yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
Duck Duck Cougar?
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize
