I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
