I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
