SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
