she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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