Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
