I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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