Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
