This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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