please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
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