the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
