I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
