you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
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