saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize
