told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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