love makes seman taste better
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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