Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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