a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
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