Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
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