I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Randomize
