somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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