it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
