I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
