Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
