I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
