Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
