I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Randomize
