you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Sorry my hands just texted you
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
