Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
