So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
I think I just sharted jello shots
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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